I thought that once we decided we loved each other, I figured that would be the last of the strong, new emotions I would feel. I understand I would encounter blinding happiness from a wedding, having children, and eventual loss when I lost someone close to me. But I never thought he would be that loss.

Waiting is painful. Knowing that what we have won't exist in a couple of months is torture. I've never felt more alone in a break up before. This feels one sided.

Trying to deal with future feelings is so confusing. I feel guilty for looking forward to meeting new people because we are still together. I have to remind myself of all the things I hate about our relationship just so this is easier.

Part of me wants to get this over with and leave right now. I don't want to wait anymore. However, my heart hurts at the thought. We need to spend more time together, he says. But he's always busy...it's not like he can wait for me, I don't do anything. My days are wide open.

We have to have faith that we'll find our way back to each other. But what if we don't? That's another emotion of fear I can't even comprehend.